On BECOMING

What makes a black belt? Is it the fabric that just happens to be black or blue? No. It’s a manner of carrying yourself, your comportment. It’s whether you take the time to show a little bit of courtesy to the rest of the people you come into contact with. A black belt is all of these things and more.

A black belt internalizes the teachings of his or her Masters. He or she must learn to give up the ego that plagues most of us. (Having an ego is not necessarily a bad thing, but it does affect your dealings with people.) A black belt truly BECOMES that which he or she embodies.

As a black belt, you represent not only your dojang, but also your history, your founders. You represent yourself as an ambassador. You’re part of a greater whole. It’s a collective. Martial arts has a long history. It’s one that we all represent in many ways. The history of your art, for yes, it IS an art form, is written in the sweat and blood of those who precede you. You may *think* you’re working very hard to earn something, but there are those for whom the challenge has been infinitely harder. The challenge is there for all, but only a few will ever truly embrace being a black belt.

When you test, it’s not just an ending point. It’s a stepping off point, a door is opening to continue to grow and expand. The target, while having been met once, now must be re-met in all that you do. You must decide if you are going to share your knowledge with your fellow students. The Gups will look up to you. Overnight, it seems, your status is changed from being “one of them” to being one of an elite group.

Being a black belt isn’t just “Look! I have a belt!” It’s your actions, ultimately, that define you as a black belt. If you take the time to help out in class, to lead warm ups, for example, you’re embodying what those who have come before you have taught you. If you step up and demonstrate a form or technique incorrectly, you must take the critique of that form or technique. You can’t expect to do something incorrectly and not have people notice. You actually have a spotlight on you, almost as if “black belt” is tattooed to your forehead.

Being a black belt is a mental thing. Any person can have a black belt. Some people truly LIVE as black belts. There is a difference. Those who just have the belt are more likely to be the swaggering type. The people I have met, as an example, embody the spirit of black belt. In my dojang, the people who I train with are working towards improvement daily. They are willing to answer questions and never treat you like you’re asking “stupid” questions. When I came into this dojang, I came in with the idea that I was going to advance my ranks on the same “schedule” that I had been on at my old school. What I had not counted on was the fact that I have to learn to become a black belt. I may have the belt, yes, but it means nothing if I don’t understand WHY I have the belt. It’s not all about the training. The training goes beyond the physical in the dojang (Funakoshi #8–”Do not think that your karate training happens only in the dojang.”)

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I’m taking that step. I want to learn, therefore, I attend classes (intermittently, but that *will* change!). I have found my niche. There is another saying that bears repeating…that is, “When the student is ready, the teacher will come.”

Questions...

Challenges abound when you're taking martial arts. There are people who will ask you frequently (as happens at my office), "WHY are you taking martial arts?!" They obviously don't understand the passion there, or the reasons behind it.
I joined martial arts after taking my daughter to a class. She wasn't interested in the class at the time because she "felt funny with all the bowing", but I found myself drawn to it. I tried two classes and that was it. I found my niche.
That was back in 2004.

I was told that I had "tried to quit" a number of times, which I truly don't remember. I stuck it out, even after several people left. I thought I wanted to teach, to help people learn what I knew. I signed up for a "CIT" or Certified Instructor Training class when I reached Cho Dan Bo. I attended many classes, assisted with the Little Ninjas class and felt that I was doing okay.
I kept working toward my black belt, which I subsequently earned.
After my belt, things still were working out in my favor, or so I thought. I continued on my path toward "leadership". I helped out more with the LN class, until it was "mainstreamed" and became part of the "white belt class". I continued to try to maintain a positive attitude, despite all the changes that were taking place.

In July, 2008, I made a decision that was not easy. I left the school I'd been attending since 2004, the one I earned my belt in. I had suddenly felt that I was going nowhere...I wasn't teaching anything, I wasn't allowed to teach when I was supposed to teach. Classes weren't the same. I won't say they were bad, but they were different.

I wanted to continue taking martial arts. I felt that it was something I was drawn to. I looked into a Taekwondo school, but didn't feel it was for me. I didn't want to change my discipline. I wanted to stay with Tang Soo Do.
I spoke to the head of my then Federation, who gave me a recommendation of what to look for. Then I went to a school I'd been referred to. I communicated with the owner of that school, attended several trial classes and felt that I was where I needed to be.

I still feel that I need to be there, but now I'm questioning myself. I have this really bad habit of questioning what I'm doing and second guessing myself. When I was at the other place, I earned a belt. I second guess myself on whether or not the belt was deserved. I am working oh so much harder than I ever did and yet, I feel that I'm floundering. You can see the differences in the schools. The quality of instruction is extremely high. I need to stop comparing myself to the people I train with. I am me and not them. I came from a different tradition, even though it is still TSD. I know this and yet, in my own eyes, I am second guessing. I find myself questioning WHY I am doing things, but then I ask, "why am I still doing martial arts? I earned a black belt. Shouldn't I let that be an achievement in and of itself?" The answer to that question, in my heart, is NO. I love martial arts. I like the "high" I feel when I work out. I may not be the smallest person in my class. I'm like 75+ pounds overweight. I have to make concessions in my training. I just have to work out the self doubt and get my butt into each and every class and then just work as hard as I can.

Even if the people I work with don't understand WHY I am taking classes, I understand. Well, okay, I THINK I understand! I'm not out to be a grand champion cage fighter or anything like that. I'm just out to be the best I can be. I've seen my self esteem grow in the past four or five years. I'm now volunteering for extra responsibility at work and in my own personal life.
THAT is why I am taking classes. I'm doing it for me. There's a side effect and it's a positive one. I am learning self defense at the same time. It may not show, and just because one man in my company can reach out and intimidate me (he's bigger than me and uses that to his advantage), it doesn't mean that my classes are for nothing. I just have to address his sarcasm and his disbelief and then channel it to my advantage.

The question isn't "WHY are you taking it?" The question should be, "What are you taking out of it?"

Changed mindset

I'm in a pretty good mood today. I went to class last night and worked really hard. We worked on technique, which I can appreciate because I can see what I need to do to improve myself. I've decided that I am going to class not to compare myself with anyone else but to compare myself to myself from a year ago. I'm the only one I can compare to because I know where I was this time last year and where I am now.
Physically, I'm in worse shape than I was, especially as I haven't really been working out. Mentally, probably about the same, but again, maybe slightly better. Not overly sure of that. I know I have to stop comparing myself to other people. I'm going to work on that. I am enjoying my classes for the first time in a long time. I haven't felt so positive about my martial arts since I was working toward my black belt. I'm not working as hard as I was then, but...I do feel that I'm getting somewhere because I can SEE the changes.

No workout today

I know I said I was going to go to karate, but...my right Achilles tendon is not feeling 100%, so I took the lazy way out and stayed home. I'm sure I won't be chastized for it. I have to take care of this or I'm not going anywhere and I need that foot!! LOL! Imagine that! It is a wake up call to lose weight though. I have found that in the past 9 months, I've gained back 12 pounds. Not quite what I wanted to look at this year. I think a lot of it has to do with my decreased activity level. I haven't been nearly as active as I was this time last year. Last year at this time, I was coming off a heavy workout schedule...I'd been in training since mid-June for my black belt test. The last time I worked out really hard was January-March. I did my second black belt test on the first Friday in March. After that, things rapidly changed and I didn't do much to push the fitness/exercise issue.. I went with the flow.

We were told that we were going to be required to run a mile, to do a serious fitness test in order to pass our next black belt test, but no training was done for the actual running or the fitness. That was left to us. I'm not sure about other people, but I'm lazy. LAZY. I don't do more than I have to do. That's why I'm seeing my weight creep back up. That's why I've got to get on the ball and start pushing myself. I need to see success. I love the feeling of empowerment I get when I see success.

I won't be running anytime soon...my ankle feels, well, MUSHY is a good way to describe it. The other ankle doesn't feel the same. If it keeps hurting, I'll go find my doctor and see what he thinks. For tonight, I'll take an anti-inflammatory and do some stretching. It'll help. If it's not feeling too squishy or sore tomorrow, I'm going for a walk.