On BECOMING

What makes a black belt? Is it the fabric that just happens to be black or blue? No. It’s a manner of carrying yourself, your comportment. It’s whether you take the time to show a little bit of courtesy to the rest of the people you come into contact with. A black belt is all of these things and more.

A black belt internalizes the teachings of his or her Masters. He or she must learn to give up the ego that plagues most of us. (Having an ego is not necessarily a bad thing, but it does affect your dealings with people.) A black belt truly BECOMES that which he or she embodies.

As a black belt, you represent not only your dojang, but also your history, your founders. You represent yourself as an ambassador. You’re part of a greater whole. It’s a collective. Martial arts has a long history. It’s one that we all represent in many ways. The history of your art, for yes, it IS an art form, is written in the sweat and blood of those who precede you. You may *think* you’re working very hard to earn something, but there are those for whom the challenge has been infinitely harder. The challenge is there for all, but only a few will ever truly embrace being a black belt.

When you test, it’s not just an ending point. It’s a stepping off point, a door is opening to continue to grow and expand. The target, while having been met once, now must be re-met in all that you do. You must decide if you are going to share your knowledge with your fellow students. The Gups will look up to you. Overnight, it seems, your status is changed from being “one of them” to being one of an elite group.

Being a black belt isn’t just “Look! I have a belt!” It’s your actions, ultimately, that define you as a black belt. If you take the time to help out in class, to lead warm ups, for example, you’re embodying what those who have come before you have taught you. If you step up and demonstrate a form or technique incorrectly, you must take the critique of that form or technique. You can’t expect to do something incorrectly and not have people notice. You actually have a spotlight on you, almost as if “black belt” is tattooed to your forehead.

Being a black belt is a mental thing. Any person can have a black belt. Some people truly LIVE as black belts. There is a difference. Those who just have the belt are more likely to be the swaggering type. The people I have met, as an example, embody the spirit of black belt. In my dojang, the people who I train with are working towards improvement daily. They are willing to answer questions and never treat you like you’re asking “stupid” questions. When I came into this dojang, I came in with the idea that I was going to advance my ranks on the same “schedule” that I had been on at my old school. What I had not counted on was the fact that I have to learn to become a black belt. I may have the belt, yes, but it means nothing if I don’t understand WHY I have the belt. It’s not all about the training. The training goes beyond the physical in the dojang (Funakoshi #8–”Do not think that your karate training happens only in the dojang.”)

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I’m taking that step. I want to learn, therefore, I attend classes (intermittently, but that *will* change!). I have found my niche. There is another saying that bears repeating…that is, “When the student is ready, the teacher will come.”

Training benefits and values

Being a martial artist, sometimes it is important to step back and think about why you do things. If you've been a martial artist for a long time, it's something that is pretty well customary. If you're a "new" or "young" martial artist (as in, less than ten years into the practice), it helps to periodically look back at things.
I've been going through one of those phases again. It's helping me to redefine myself.

So, here is what I have come up with:

The Benefit of training in Tang Soo Do:

1. Self Discipline
2. Integrity
3. Self Confidence
4. Strength
5. Physical Fitness

The values to training in martial arts are:

1. Integrity-honesty. Winners don't lie. Integrity instills honesty which instills integrity. It's a circle.

2. Self discipline-Not being lazy. You can't say you have "self discipline" if you're avoiding any sort of workout.

3. Self confidence-belief in oneself. Being able to achieve the impossible.

4. Strength--Mental as well as physical. Make your own decisions.

5. Physical Fitness--Physical fitness leads to improved health, being healthy.


This all ties together. You have to have self discipline in order to follow through with your physical fitness, for example. If you are lazy, you don't allow yourself to workout or train, which in turn leads to sloppy martial arts.
When you're physically fit, you'll feel more self confidence. Self confidence allows you to have the fortitude to continue down the path you've chosen.

Absence of workouts...

I haven't been doing anything lately. NO push ups. NO crunches. I just fizzled out. I need to follow what a new friend has recommended and keep an actual physical journal of my workouts. That way I have something I can pull out and say, "I DID do what I was supposed to do on this date." Plus, I need to set a realistic goal or three. I need to get off my duff and re-vitalize myself to doing what I like to do. I'm not afraid of hard work. I just have to actually DO it.

Go read this blog for a good note on incentive. It's well worth it.

Quick workout update

9 push ups today. No crunches. I did spar at the dojang today for about a minute. I was part of a two on one sparring with a young lady testing for her first gup. That was fun! I had to be cautious because I wasn't wearing sparring gear. I had it with me, just wasn't wearing it. I take it as a compliment to my self control that they let me spar without it. (even better note, after watching the kids in the gup tests spar...I wasn't leaning in toward my opponent as I was sparring her!)

I'm exhausted. Running on fumes, literally. I know it affects my thinking and it also affects my response times. I got up at 3:15 am yesterday. I didn't get back to sleep, so I stayed up until after the kids were off at school. Tried to sleep, didn't work out. Went out and had lunch with a friend, chatted and enjoyed myself. Got to bed too late and up at 1:15 am to get oldest child from school. (She was away on a band trip.) I got up at 8:00 am after going back to bed at 2:30 this morning, so I picked up a couple of hours of sleep. I still feel like my response times are off. I'll see what happens tomorrow when I drag the hubby and a kicking shield outside. I'm going to start working on kicks now. I watched the tests today and figured out a few things to improve in my own workouts.

Push ups and crunches

Five push ups tonight. 7 crunches. I probably could have done MORE crunches, but I wasn't about to risk good form. I found myself sagging on the push ups. I have to remember that a push up still requires good form. I'm not beating myself up, but I know that there's room for improvement. I have to work on my core strength. To that extent, I think I may put in some more isolation exercises tonight. When I belly danced, years ago, I was able to isolate certain muscles. I still have some control over various muscles, so I may go ahead and start working on that more. I should also look up some exercises for abs, plus lift some weights.

I have plans. Lots of plans. I will implement them a little at a time.

I might...

I might just add crunches to the mix tonight, when I do my push ups. I was talking to my daughter and told her that if I work hard at it, I can build up to 100 push ups in 100 days. That's a reasonable goal, I think. I know I'm feeling MUCH better about myself just for having completed 4 push ups that I can't imagine that I'll be less happy with completing 100!! I like that thought.

If I'm 100 percent honest about how many crunches I can do REALLY well, I think I'm starting small and saying *maybe* ten. If I can push out ten crunches tonight and then add one a day, I'll be up to my number in no time. That's worth a happy thought for me!!!

Two plus two equals

Push ups.

I skipped my push ups yesterday, so I made up for it tonight. 4 push ups. I'm on schedule. Tomorrow should be 5. I've actually been listening to people!! I can't say anything negative about the push ups. I do have to say that *I* think they were okay. I did them and that's the important thing. One small step at a time.

A new friend I've been talking to has recommended that I write out my goals, not just in the blog, but in a notebook, so I may suddenly sprout a notebook. It won't be any different from when I was following Weight Watchers. In fact, as long as I'm using notebooks for things, I'll just start out with a 3-subject notebook and do some goal setting in it...that way I have short term, medium term and long term goals all in one place.

Nahainchi Ee Dan

I was thinking about forms this morning after dropping my daughter off at the track for band practice. I have decided that I am going to start working on Nahainchi Ee Dan, at least the very beginning of the form. I have seen it, at my old school, and was supposed to be learning it before I left. Master P told me that I needed to start learning it a month ago, so I think I'm going to get off my rear and start. I know the first four movements, I think. I have resources. My friend, S, knows it and can show me what I might need, plus, if I ask nicely, another friend, DB, knows it and IF we can ever get together, he could show me things too. I'd love to go back into class knowing this form. It would do wonders for my feeling toward myself. I'm also going to go back and practice a form that I know that maybe I'm not SUPPOSED to know yet (Sip Soo). I haven't done that one in a year or more. I still have it simmering in the recesses of my brain. It'll help me to keep active if I work on the forms I am supposed to know, to firm them up. I don't want to show up and have to demonstrate something and freeze. That's one of my biggest fears.

Starting small

Small steps. I did two *really good* push ups tonight. My son counted for me.
I started with just two because my friend, S, told me that if I add just one a day, I'll build up my strength and can improve my numbers. Therefore, I started out with two really good push ups. That was a start. I'm not allowed to say anything negative about myself and my push ups, so I am instead, going to pat myself on the back and cheer. I did it! It was "one small push up for me, one giant push up for my goals." Okay, so that's badly paraphrasing, but it's a start.

I'm NOT complaining.

Temporarily sidelined

Not much is going on with my training these days. I've been working (a lot), doing Band related things (eldest is in Marching Band now) and of course, Cub Scouts. Did I mention that I'm neglecting my own training?
I haven't really thought of why, I just haven't shown much initiative. I know I need to work out. I just haven't.

I was talking to a friend this afternoon and we decided that I've got to get off my duff and at the very least, do my crunches and push ups. I am highly below average at both of those. I need to get with the program, to work harder and push myself to get to the "average" rating. I am going to aim for at least 5 push ups a day to start, then work on building on that. The number I need to get to is a multiple of 9. (note: I'm NOT going to do 9 right out of the box! I need to get the arms strengthened first...but soon I shall be doing my number.) Same with crunches. Those, I can do probably about 20, if I'm honest with myself. Do I do them correctly? Nope...but I do 20 crunches. I'm going to work on improving those too. That number is a multiple of 8. If you email me, I'll tell you the numbers. Otherwise, cryptic it is.


I talked to a friend last week about some goals that I had. He said to put them down, but that setting a goal of "to lose weight" was not an option. I had to be specific. He wasn't being ugly, he wanted me to actually THINK about what I want. Believe me when I say, that was a difficult thing to think about and even more difficult to do. I'm still working on revamping those goals, but I do have them out there to look at.

Goals:

1. To be able to run a mile by December.
My friend reminded me that trying to set a short term goal of 4 months might be a tad bit unreasonable, especially as I've had issues with keeping on task in the future. His recommendation was to strive for a six month time frame. Then he told me, "Leave the stopwatch at home. Don't even look at it for now."
This takes the stress off having to run. He said not to focus on the fact that I'm not a gazelle, but that I'm an average woman who is just starting out on a new fitness path.

2. To learn the forms correctly, to perform up to the standards I see everyone else performing at.

THIS is a most realistic goal. Practice makes perfect. 'Nuff said.

3. To make time for myself.

This is an attainable goal. Even if I can't go to martial arts every week, I should be able to go home from work, go into a quiet room and just BE for a few. It's highly recommended, as a matter of fact. It'll help me keep from panicking about things. I can just let it all slip away, like water over a rock.

So these are some things I can work on. My friend in Houston is giving me encouragement on his end. My Masters here are giving me encouragement. They know I have other things going and I'm not getting docked for not attending classes. I can work through the temporary sidelining and come out on the other end ahead of the game.

A confession

I seem to be finding myself in a rut. I'm having an issue finding my motivation and sticking to it. Mentally, I know I need to work out in order to be healthy, but it feels like extreme torture at times. I have a hard time pushing myself to workout on my own. I tried working out with my family, but that didn't pan out because they weren't interested or found fault with the way I was walking/running.
I need to make up my mind and get with the program. I'm either going to commit myself to becoming healthier, or I'm going to settle for being un-fit and unhealthy.
Only I can make that decision, nobody else.

Unfortunately, I do have a tendency to lose my focus. I'll have focus as long as I see a goal in sight, but if I don't have an actual goal that I know I can work for, I seem to allow myself to slack off. My training is virtually non-existent. That is something that I know I need to work on.

So what I'm working on is getting more motivation. I need to find what works for me and use it to my advantage. What I think I need to do is to sit down with someone and give them my goals. Then I need to get serious and do something. It doesn't have to be much, as long as it's some form of activity that is related to what I want/need to do to get myself fitter.

Second mile.

I must have mis-timed myself yesterday. I went out and walked the track at the high school again today. Today's time was 19 minutes, 21 seconds. I didn't take my son with me today, so that might have something to do with it. I also worked on my breathing. I walked most of that first lap fairly slowly, but then started walking faster by the last end of the track. My husband was with me and all I heard was "goodbye" as I pulled away from him. I wasn't out to race him, I was out to walk. I didn't have my MP3 player with me, so I wasn't regulating my steps to music. I was just out to walk. I did work on my breathing. I tried to breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth as I was walking. It seemed to be the thing to do. That is something I can do on a regular basis. You THINK you know how to breathe, but sometimes it turns out, you don't really know.

Anyway, I feel successful, so I'll be working on maintaining this time at the recommendation of a couple of friends. As long as I hold this pace for the next few weeks, I'll be in good shape. I can then strive to decrease the time by a minute or two. By the end of the month, I should be walking a mile in 17 minutes. By the end of September, I can aim for 15 minutes and by the end of October, I can aim for 13 minutes. My goal will be to strengthen myself to the point where I'm shaving off a few minutes every two weeks. I think it's a reachable goal.

Run number 1

Well, I actually did it this morning. I got up and went out to the track with my husband and son. Four laps is a mile on this track, so that's what I went for. I'm seriously disappointed by my performance. I made my mile in 25 minutes. I was aiming for at least 15, knowing that I haven't run recently. I wasn't expecting the slow result. Here's what I did:

Lap #1. Walked. It was a slow walk until almost at the second end of the track, when I tried to speed up my walk.

Laps #2, 3 and 4. These were walk/run laps. I walked all the way around the end of the track and ran the back straightaway. I stopped when I got to the other end of the track and walked, then ran the front straightaway.

I noticed that I was severely huffing and puffing by the end of the run cycle. That is NOT good, so I asked a friend, who is a runner about it. She said that I was breathing too shallowly, which meant I was not inflating my lungs fully and caused me to fatigue and run more slowly. I asked for a way to train myself to breathe better and she gave me some pointers, so I'll work on that.

I'm probably going back out tomorrow, sans youngest child. I didn't feel that he was much help to me. I spent a lot of time trying to get him to walk faster, to actually RUN and try to keep me going. He's not interested at this point, so I'm leaving him out of MY training. I'll do my best to help him, but until he realizes that he won't be testing for any tests if he can't run a mile, there's not a lot I can do for him.

I'm treating this like a test preparation. I am not testing, but I may as well get serious enough to treat it like it is. This will help me focus and get myself to that "place" I need to be in order to work hard and see results.

July-August Fitness

"The best laid plans of mice and men..." have gone astray here. I had every intention of getting off my rear and working out every morning, despite loaning my Wii out to a friend. Did that work? No. So much for my public accountability, right??? I fell flat for 3 days. Oh well. If you fall down, get up, brush yourself off and get back to what you were doing.

So. My plan is this: I'm going to the track tomorrow morning. It's the first of the month, first workout of the month. I'm going to start trying to run. No more of this "I hate running" thing I've had going. NO MORE telling myself "I'm allergic to running." All that does is perpetuates the negativity about the act itself. If you tell yourself something often enough, you internalize it and that's the last thing I need. What I NEED to tell myself is "I can run that mile in ten minutes."

Now that I've let it slip, may as well come straight out. As an adult of "advancing years" (44), I need to aim to run a mile within ten minutes, thirty seconds. I am overweight by a good 100 pounds too, but I WILL get to that ten minute mark!! It'll be good for me to get out and run.

Training

I didn't do any training today other than some standing crunches. I did twenty of them this morning. That's not a lot, I know, but I was trying to work on my balance. I have a real issue with my balance when I'm trying to do some kicks. My ahp chagis are okay, but my nakse chagis leave a lot to be desired. Master F pointed out that some of us were raising our legs up, then pulling our knees in. It's something I need to work on, which I understand.

So...that's not a lot, but there you have it. Day 1--no training.

Open Training recap

Yesterday was Open Training at the dojang. I took my son and we worked on what we needed to know. He worked on Kee Cho Hyung Il Bu while I worked on One Steps and Ho Sin Sul with one of my fellow adult students. My son also got the opportunity to work with Master G on his form and learned quite a bit. I had him write it down in a notebook when we got home so that he wouldn't forget it.

I worked on a hair grab defense with Mr. L. That was interesting because it starts from someone getting a chunk of your hair and you breaking past that. I was given pointers on using my last three fingers on my hand to break the grip (those have strength--the index finger doesn't have as much). The way it was described made a lot of sense to me. I'm sure I could get out of that type of a grab if it was absolutely necessary.

Another thing I came out of training with was falling. I worked with Ms. S on front falls and back falls. If executed properly, you will land on your forearms when you fall. You don't want to land on your wrists because you *will* break your wrists if you're falling on them. Think of the amount of force you're putting on your wrists! We practiced front falls, back falls and side falls. I don't feel TOO badly about the side falls and back falls. I need to work on releasing the energy from the fall, and the landing, but that's something I can do.

I'm looking forward to class on Tuesday now. I know it'll be another informative class.

One steps, Ho Sin Sul and Bunkai

Last night was a One Step, Ho Sin Sul and Bunkai night. The bunkai aspect I have never been exposed to before. The one steps were *slightly* intimidating, but mainly because they were "2 on 1" attacks, meaning that you had to deal with an attacker from front and back on one of the techniques and one on either side on the other. I had been concentrating on the lower one steps and had never even TRIED to get into the upper level ones, so this was really an experience. I worked with the Mr. L's and Master F. It was an eye opener. The one steps are designed to help you as if you were in a real life fight situation. I learned that I can NOT stand way back from a tall person as I'd seriously have to reach to get him or her in a fight. Not only that, but I'd also be knocked flat on my butt before that happened.

In the other one step we did (we were working on our highest ones for our testing cycle), it was an attack from the front with a person holding the defender on either side (by the arm). The attacker is throwing a kick, which the defender can use to his or her advantage. I thought about that one and am pretty sure I can duplicate it without TOO much trouble. The thing that worries me is the fall on the other one we did. I'll get to that one later.

The Bunkai aspect of class was really fun. We were to take our highest form, take a part of it and figure out the bunkai for it. I'd never thought of the forms as anything other than "forms"...they're pretty and you have to do them. I may have been taught what they meant, but I wasn't taught how to visualize and explain WHAT you are doing at any specific moment in the form. Last night opened my eyes in a totally different way.

I had to take Nahainchi Cho Dan and work on a part of that and *explain* the bunkai, what I was doing and why. Master F told all of us to remember to think it through. You can't just take a form and do the bunkai halfway. You have to mean what you're doing and use it to your advantage. If you are going to execute a block or a punch, you need to be able to explain yourself. It was that sort of thing that I don't remember doing in the past. I did enjoy the bunkai aspect of the class and will strive to remember it going forward.

Successful form!

After all the whining and moaning about how I had "forgotten" my forms, I wound up showing Master F my version of Bassai on Tuesday. I had an ear to ear grin on my face when I finished. I need to put myself into my own little world and just focus on me and not anyone else. If I don't, I will continue to mess up the forms. Another thing I need to remember is to relax. That will do wonders for my forms.

I feel like I've been re-earning my belts, if that makes sense. Being a Dan is not an isolated experience at BTK. You're part of a greater whole. If you need help, all you have to do is to ask and someone will help you. There is always room for improvement in anything you do. I've been trying to get my forms "fixed". I wasn't doing them wrong, just differently. Different schools have different styles. It's not "my school is right, yours is wrong."

One thing to work on is my push up requirement and my crunch requirement. We did pushups in class on Thursday. I HURT! My arms are so sore, it's not even funny! I gave myself two days off, but am going to attempt to do pushups today. I have to get my requirement in. I have to run too. I don't mind putting my running requirement on my blog...it's a mile in 10:30. My son, who is 9, has the same time requirement as me. Now if I could just get him to actually RUN around the track and not just goof off and try to roll around on the infield.

I've been doing some exercise with my Wii in an effort to work on muscle strength and toning. It's the EA Sports Active...there's a 30 Day Challenge on it. I hit 14 out of 20 workouts today. 6 more to go. There are a lot of lunges in it, which I think helps some. I hate the running part of it. If I was in a bottom floor apartment, I wouldn't have as many issues with it, but...oh well, I'm still doing it. Real life running is next on my list.

Years of training

I am truly humbled when I look at other people and see the results of the YEARS of training they've put in. Case in point was yesterday at Dan Training. We did several techniques (note to self: MUST LEARN KOREAN!!!) and I felt like I was just starting out with as well as some of these people were doing their techniques. It gives me something new to work on.

Another thing was forms. We practiced the Nahainchi forms yesterday. I only know Nahainchi Cho Dan, but even that felt like I was just a newbie when I saw how others were doing the form. I realize that I have to tweak my forms to catch up to the way my school does them, but this was a huge WOW to me. They did Nahainchi Ee Dan and I had to sit out because I don't have that particular skill...YET. I loved watching the way they did it, plus I picked up some pointers. Then they moved into Nahainchi Sam Dan and again, it was an eye opener! The Masters then did Sip Soo and Jin Do. I had learned Sip Soo at my old school, but I wouldn't have felt comfortable even ATTEMPTING it in the presence of Master M and Master A! They made it look *easy*!!

We worked on Ho Sin Sul and worked on ways to break out of an attack. Again, this was an eye opening experience. I have never before consciously thought about the ways to break out of an attack, but I was thinking about it yesterday. I like learning new things and I feel like I definitely learned something new.

I wrote down what I remembered from the training and will think about it as I attend my regular classes. When I came home from training, I told my husband that I felt like my fire was re-ignited. I am finding every day a new challenge. I love the fact that I learn, that there are new things to learn.

Choosing your weapons

I am getting together with my instructor and picking out a weapon to learn. I sent him a list of the weapons I currently own, that I'd be interested in. Ultimately, I think I'd like to learn the Bo, but mainly because I have two of them and I'm short...It gives me a reach on an opponent. I may not get that as a weapon of choice, but I've told him what I have at my disposal.
I also have a pair of (cheap) kamas, a pair of wooden tonfas and a pair of wooden kamas. I don't own a pair of sai (YET!), but that's also something that would be interesting to learn. Then there's the idea that a cane is also a weapon, along with the fan and other things....

As I was doing research, I found an interesting article by Scott Shaw about the Korean Long Staff. I'm interested in it and have a strong leaning toward either the bo or Haidong Gumdo (Korean sword). I should see if my brother would be interested in talking to MG about HG.