Decision making

I've been thinking...a lot.  I've been thinking about trying to get back into training, only this time on my own.  I know that I can push the envelope and get myself into a reasonable facsimile of a martial artist.

I don't have a true school to work with anymore.  I've left one school due to a conflict with an instructor.  I left another school due to my own insecurity.  For the past two years, I've not concentrated on anything.  I've just existed.  I have taken Tai Chi, which I loved, but stopped those lessons in February after having to be out for a week with surgery.  

I have a "BOB".  I have a garage to work out in.  I just lack the motivation to push myself into working out.  I have spoken with a friend of mine, who has warned me that trying to train myself is not always a good thing.  He's also made an offer that I'm mulling over.  I can work with him--I'll have to document ALL of my training and I'll have to make darned sure that I'm following said training.  At least once or twice a month, I'll have to go to Houston to visit and work with him.  I've forgotten so much more than I let on that frankly, I'm scared.  I'm afraid that I'll let myself down.  I have high expectations for myself.  I expect perfection.  It's not a good thing to do, but I am honest about it.

So, I'm mulling over the WHEN of when I'm going to start training.  I need to keep up training with Alba.  I need to push myself into not being lazy about documenting my food in my journal too.  I spend entirely too much time saying "I'll get around to it" and then that "round to it" never comes.  I have to get into the frame of mind of DO IT NOW.  Period.  End of story.

Alba knows about BOB.  We've talked about using him.  I guess I need to get off my but and make myself do what I want to do.  I can come home from work, leave the car in the driveway, move BOB out into the middle of the garage and work on kicks, punches, etc.  It's a matter of WHEN.

I also need to give Sa Bu Nim an answer.  He's patient and isn't pushing me but...I need to continue to THINK.  I need to talk to hubby and see what his opinion is.

I'm torn between being lazy and wanting to push myself back into some semblence of shape.  I need to decide how important martial arts is to me.  I talk to martial artists on a regular basis.  I have acquired a good friend who is willing to go out of his way to help me.  I need to help myself first.

The mind is a powerful thing.  I need to push mine into submission and meditate on what I really want.