I started back into martial arts after speaking with my instructor at the picnic earlier this month. He told me to get myself into class, which I did. I've had a few minor details that have kept me out of attending classes twice a week for the past few weeks (prior commitments) but as of this month, I will be there for two classes a week
I've had to lead the class commands, which is, in and of itself, a somewhat daunting task at times. If red belts can do it, then I know that I too can do it. I do find myself feeling much like a deer in the headlights, afraid to move. I know that's a minor thing and I need to work past it. I shall. I just need to practice. I also need to practice my forms, plus my techniques. I have to learn the names of the techniques in Korean. I have to know them now is as good a time as any to learn. I feel really good that Master M explained the one steps we were supposed to be doing on Thursday in English in addition to giving the Korean commands for them. I just need to commit them to memory as it's an important thing to know. I learned much by attending the Dan test on October 24th. It was an eye opener. The test is strictly by invitation only, so I'm "safe". Nobody is going to invite me to test. I'm actually relieved. I don't have the fitness requirement to pass, nor am I ready with my second Dan form. I have issues with the forms I'm already supposed to know. The problem is not that I don't know the forms. The problem is, I learned them a different way. I didn't learn the bunkai of the forms. I didn't learn WHY you do something. I just learned to do it by rote. In this school, it's a requirement to know the form forwards, backwards, sideways and then some. You have to be able to perform a form blindfolded and on a hill if they require it. You have to know how to start from a specific technique and finish a form, then explain WHAT you're doing.
In other words, I have to re-start my learning. I just happen to be ahead of the curve as I know the technique. I just don't know how to speak the language and I don't have the fitness yet. I may never advance. I just know that I HAVE to do something.
This is a quick fly-by post...I have a lot more in my head that I want to put to "paper", so to speak, but it'll have to wait until I have the time to write more. Tomorrow is a Cub Scout commitment that I need to fulfill.
Sunday, I'm getting up and going to the track or else just downstairs at the apartment complex to do some walking.
I just got in from a football game with my daughter. 2 1/2 hours of standing at a football game is a long time. I didn't notice my feet were hurting until I actually sat down!
I may have to take my bong outside and work with it. I think I need to practice something martial arts related so as to work on my self talk and discipline.
I kept part one of a promise to myself tonight. I went to class tonight. It was a Q and A session, but still, it was a class. I'm already planning on returning on Thursday night.
I had a nice chat with one of my instructors after the meeting tonight and he told me that the biggest thing I could do to get myself back on the right track was to get to class. I started tonight by getting off my butt and going to this meeting. It was an important bit of background on my school. I like it.
So, as of right now, I'm re-committing myself to working hard. I've had it pointed out to me at work that I've ballooned up in my weight, so that's something I'll work on. Hard work never hurt anyone. Sa Bu Nim pointed out that I DO know my forms and techniques, even if I'm a little rusty, so I shouldn't let that hold me back. He's right. I do know a lot, even if I try to tell myself I don't know it. I am always hardest on myself, which is another observation Sa Bu Nim had for me tonight. We agreed that I should just work on getting over that nasty little voice in my head that says I don't know it and work on my self confidence. I know the forms and techniques and as I'm just about starting over, I have a lot of things I can improve.
I'm glad I went. I will be back on Thursday. With figurative bells on, not literal bells.
I'm officially ending my hiatus from martial arts as of tomorrow. I go to my first class in over a month. I"m really looking forward to it. I need it. You never know how much you've missed something until you have the opportunity to think about it.
I'm ready. I've been doing nothing but complaining about my fate. Well, this isn't happening anymore. I'm happy that my instructor is allowing me to come back, so I am going to throw myself into it whole heartedly.
Tomorrow we have a parents' meeting in place of our normal classes, but on Thursday, there's going to be a lot of hard, HARD work to do. This I will enjoy!!
On Saturday, I talked to my instructor. He told me, "No more excuses." He's right. No more. I'm completely ready for it. I'm already mentally reviewing my forms and thinking about what I know. I'm going to start pushing myself a little harder than I had been. I have a lot of things to get caught up on.