A whole lot of learning

I started back into martial arts after speaking with my instructor at the picnic earlier this month.  He told me to get myself into class, which I did.  I've had a few minor details that have kept me out of attending classes twice a week for the past few weeks (prior commitments) but as of this month, I will be there for two classes a week


I've had to lead the class commands, which is, in and of itself, a somewhat daunting task at times.  If red belts can do it, then I know that I too can do it. I do find myself feeling much like a deer in the headlights, afraid to move.  I know that's a minor thing and I need to work past it.  I shall.  I just need to practice.  I also need to practice my forms, plus my techniques.  I have to learn the names of the techniques in Korean.  I have to know them now is as good a time as any to learn.  I feel really good that Master M explained the one steps we were supposed to be doing on Thursday in English in addition to giving the Korean commands for them.  I just need to commit them to memory as it's an important thing to know.

I learned much by attending the Dan test on October 24th.  It was an eye opener.  The test is strictly by invitation only, so I'm "safe".  Nobody is going to invite me to test.  I'm actually relieved.  I don't have the fitness requirement to pass, nor am I ready with my second Dan form.  I have issues with the forms I'm already supposed to know.  The problem is not that I don't know the forms.  The problem is, I learned them a different way.  I didn't learn the bunkai of the forms.  I didn't learn WHY you do something.  I just learned to do it by rote.  In this school, it's a requirement to know the form forwards, backwards, sideways and then some.  You have to be able to perform a form blindfolded and on a hill if they require it.  You have to know how to start from a specific technique and finish a form, then explain WHAT you're doing.    

In other words, I have to re-start my learning.  I just happen to be ahead of the curve as I know the technique.  I just don't know how to speak the language and I don't have the fitness yet.  I may never advance.  I just know that I HAVE to do something.

A confession

I seem to be finding myself in a rut. I'm having an issue finding my motivation and sticking to it. Mentally, I know I need to work out in order to be healthy, but it feels like extreme torture at times. I have a hard time pushing myself to workout on my own. I tried working out with my family, but that didn't pan out because they weren't interested or found fault with the way I was walking/running.
I need to make up my mind and get with the program. I'm either going to commit myself to becoming healthier, or I'm going to settle for being un-fit and unhealthy.
Only I can make that decision, nobody else.

Unfortunately, I do have a tendency to lose my focus. I'll have focus as long as I see a goal in sight, but if I don't have an actual goal that I know I can work for, I seem to allow myself to slack off. My training is virtually non-existent. That is something that I know I need to work on.

So what I'm working on is getting more motivation. I need to find what works for me and use it to my advantage. What I think I need to do is to sit down with someone and give them my goals. Then I need to get serious and do something. It doesn't have to be much, as long as it's some form of activity that is related to what I want/need to do to get myself fitter.

Run number 1

Well, I actually did it this morning. I got up and went out to the track with my husband and son. Four laps is a mile on this track, so that's what I went for. I'm seriously disappointed by my performance. I made my mile in 25 minutes. I was aiming for at least 15, knowing that I haven't run recently. I wasn't expecting the slow result. Here's what I did:

Lap #1. Walked. It was a slow walk until almost at the second end of the track, when I tried to speed up my walk.

Laps #2, 3 and 4. These were walk/run laps. I walked all the way around the end of the track and ran the back straightaway. I stopped when I got to the other end of the track and walked, then ran the front straightaway.

I noticed that I was severely huffing and puffing by the end of the run cycle. That is NOT good, so I asked a friend, who is a runner about it. She said that I was breathing too shallowly, which meant I was not inflating my lungs fully and caused me to fatigue and run more slowly. I asked for a way to train myself to breathe better and she gave me some pointers, so I'll work on that.

I'm probably going back out tomorrow, sans youngest child. I didn't feel that he was much help to me. I spent a lot of time trying to get him to walk faster, to actually RUN and try to keep me going. He's not interested at this point, so I'm leaving him out of MY training. I'll do my best to help him, but until he realizes that he won't be testing for any tests if he can't run a mile, there's not a lot I can do for him.

I'm treating this like a test preparation. I am not testing, but I may as well get serious enough to treat it like it is. This will help me focus and get myself to that "place" I need to be in order to work hard and see results.

July-August Fitness

"The best laid plans of mice and men..." have gone astray here. I had every intention of getting off my rear and working out every morning, despite loaning my Wii out to a friend. Did that work? No. So much for my public accountability, right??? I fell flat for 3 days. Oh well. If you fall down, get up, brush yourself off and get back to what you were doing.

So. My plan is this: I'm going to the track tomorrow morning. It's the first of the month, first workout of the month. I'm going to start trying to run. No more of this "I hate running" thing I've had going. NO MORE telling myself "I'm allergic to running." All that does is perpetuates the negativity about the act itself. If you tell yourself something often enough, you internalize it and that's the last thing I need. What I NEED to tell myself is "I can run that mile in ten minutes."

Now that I've let it slip, may as well come straight out. As an adult of "advancing years" (44), I need to aim to run a mile within ten minutes, thirty seconds. I am overweight by a good 100 pounds too, but I WILL get to that ten minute mark!! It'll be good for me to get out and run.

Friday meditations on martial arts

As many of you know, I left my old martial arts school in July of 2008. I wasn't happy and had a few issues that couldn't be resolved, so I left. I had a lot of angst about it and spent a lot of time agonizing over "did I make the right decision?" My former instructor tried a few times to communicate with me and I took the cowardly way out--I either let the calls go to voicemail or I didn't return calls when I said I would.

I have since moved forward and have found a new school. I am happy with that school--it was a good change for me, I believe. I do not regret my decision. It was something that was needed. I am learning my forms and am learning to ask "WHY" about the technique and the forms. It's a new challenge to me as I have to learn Korean, bunkai, Bushido Codes and other things. In many ways, I feel like I've started over again and am back at white belt, only I know the forms. I have much tweaking and adjustments to be made or I won't be able to get myself up to speed.

Yesterday I went over to a friend's house and talked about a lot of things martial arts related. We talked about Bunkai and we talked about language. We also talked about our Ho Sin Sul and one steps. I got a chance to review four of the Ho Sin Sul I would need to know as a white belt. It was a very productive afternoon for me. We talked about performing the forms in various ways--forward or "left" (because you learn it to the left), 'right hand' (opposite of how you initially learn it), "backwards to the left" and "backwards right handed".
We talked about setting goals...if you set the goal of performing a form a day, in all four ways, you'll actually learn the forms very well. It's a good thing to work on and it's something that I'm thinking will be beneficial for me.

Another thing--since I'm sidelined again this month (grrr!!), I'm going to talk to the trainer my apartment complex offers "for free". I'm going to get with him on Tuesdays and Thursdays this month and see about getting beaten into shape that way. I need the exercise and working with a trainer will be a good way to get myself back on track. I'll make sure I tell the trainer that I'm a martial artist so that he can help me focus on things I need. Upper body strength, lower body strength, cardio, etc. I truly want to get into excellent shape. Tomorrow I'm going to start my weekend out by walking a 5k. I may take the entire family with me but if they're not interested in going with me, I'll go alone. I plan on doing this every weekend. I am also going to start walking at work again. That'll be a mile a day (the route I walk is 1.9 miles round trip.). It's just a short term goal to getting healthier and happier.

I plan to return to BTK. I will have to wait until it's feasible but I WILL be there. I told my friend yesterday that when I come back, I plan on being there with the attitude of "I can do it." I WILL do it. I'm going in with the plan of being there, learning and learning well.

Now I need to go get my notebook out and practice those Ho Sin Sul we worked on yesterday. I'm going to do them every day until I get them ingrained in my head. I may show them to my friend DB tomorrow, just to show him "this is what I can do."

I am working late tonight. With any luck, everyone will clear out by 6:00 so that I have a few minutes to run over my material in my cube. I like doing my forms at work when nobody's around. It gives me a chance to make mistakes and pretend that they're on purpose. Not that *I* make mistakes. ha! Me of the flubbed Pyung Ahn Oh Dan!!

I set myself a couple of goals for the next month or so. I'm going to start practicing my forms one through whatever I decide I need to work on. I also need to work on the jumping kicks (cha gi). I like the fact that there are jumping kicks that I can do. I may not kick as high as I'd like, but I'm at least trying to clear some ground, so that will help. I particularly like the jumping hook kick (no Korean on this one, sorry!). It's a fun kick. Ms. S had to remind me to tighten up my leg on this one and try to kick my own rear. Okay! I feel like I need a refresher in kicking one oh one, but I'll be giving myself that as I practice more.

Another kick I know I'm weak on is the back kick. DB has always reminded me to "LOOK at where you're kicking" and I've heard it from Master G as well. Gotta LOOK or you'll be way off base! I'm going to have to dig out my pads and start getting Tony to go outside and hold them for me. I could always get Aidan involved in that too, to help him keep sharp.

I need to set some fitness goals and start working toward those as well. I have read the requirements for passing the belt test (no matter WHOSE belt test it is!). For my age/weight, I should be able to run a mile in ten minutes. I don't know if he'll insist on straight running, but I'm betting anything that as long as I clear it in the ten minute time frame, I won't fail. I have to start conditioning myself, so that means walking first. I wish I lived closer to my friend, S. I'd love to have her coach me again. I worked with her a couple of years ago and managed to do a 5 k in an hour or so. I don't remember the exact time. I know that we both ran and walked it. She was a sweetie and really pushed me when I needed that push. I'll have to call her and ask her if she'll push me again.

I guess I can put my fitness goals over at the other blog (Martial Arts Musings) and update that as I make my goals. Might be worth a shot. That way I have both of them updated. I may mirror this blog at that one.