Lesson learned...

I have learned the hard way, NOT to spar with people who aren't martial artists or who aren't training in YOUR style!  I took a really hard hit to the side of my right knee on Saturday and it completely hurts to walk.   I can sympathize with the people who have had knee surgery, although I am not hurt in any way like they have been. 
My chiropractor warned me that I should take it easy on the leg for a few days and ice it.  It has one of the UGLIEST bruises I have ever gotten on it.  I guarantee you I will not "play" or "horse around" with someone who has no concept of how to pull a kick and not go full tilt.  It's painful and is NOT going to happen again.  


The person I was "goofing off with" is a jujitsu fighter.  I take Tang Soo Do, which is completely different.  My mentor, someone I admire intensely, pretty much lectured me about not letting them disrespect me.  She told me that if I keep horsing around like I did, I'll get hurt and the next time could be the one to cause me more damage than a huge bruise on my leg. 

Change of focus

Reality rears its ugly head more often than we think.  My reality check came when someone told me not so long ago that I'm never, ever going to test for second Dan.  The reason?  I'm out of shape.  I don't practice and I'm too fat to pass any of the physical requirements for the testing.  Okay.  I sat and stewed on that for a long time.  I finally came to the realization that she's right.  I'm the only cuckoo in the group.  I'm the fat one.  I cannot even run an eighth of a mile, so I'm just out of luck.  It sucks being the last one to finish anything, the one who huffs and puffs and feels inadequate because they are always last.  Big deal.

I haven't really been attending classes either.  Some of it was because I was told that I won't test again.  Some of it was because we've been buying a house and that's absorbed a lot of my time.  

Rather than sit and stew over the news that I'm too fat to test, I'm going to just shelve that idea (testing).  I don't need to test.  I'm just a Cho Dan and that's just fine.  I earned my belt.  I have that belt and my certificate. I know I was in okay shape back then.  That's all I need.  I just need to concentrate on improving what I know and fixing my (MANY) bad habits.  I may just learn something from it.  

Some time ago, I was told to stop whining that I wasn't going to get another belt.  I've listened.  It's time to work on ME.  I'm going to take the lessons I learn in class and work with them.  I've had physical issues that have prevented me from actively participating in classes until recently.  
Now I can start doing things that will help me improve my physical condition. I plan on making myself over to what I want to be, not what I think everyone else wants me to be.  I'm going to work on my own personal goals.  I haven't set anything (yet), but will. 


Finally, the ears are open.  I'm not going to focus on earning a belt.  I can tuck that into a closet, lock it up and throw away the key.  It just isn't going to happen.  Instead, my own physical and mental well being needs to be worked on, so that's going to be my focus.  My new house is within walking distance of a recreation center, so I shall be wandering over there after work at least three times a week.  I can possibly get a dog and go walking.  When I feel like I'm ready, I'll start running to see if I'm a person who likes to run.   If not, well, that's okay with me.  I will attempt it.


If I start whining about not testing, someone, please, remind me that I need to focus on me.  A belt is just a piece of cloth to tie around your waist.  It isn't the symbolization I need anymore.  I have it.  So my name isn't on the one I'm wearing.  Big deal.  I have one.  I have my name and my Dan card and nobody's going to revoke it. 

Weaponry

I have been given a challenge by my karate instructor to learn a new weapon that is "out of the box" for me.  As such, he has given me a really unique experience.  It's not a bo, bokken, sai, meechi kaibo, tonfa or anything else.  I have a unique weapon which I would *never* have thought of in a million years.   It is a thought provoking weapon and one that I am going to have a lot of fun learning.
It's Japanese in origin. I really should talk to one of my friends who is a new Shodan and see if she's heard of it.  It makes me want to get it out and work with it.  I have some additional research to do because I feel that it will benefit me to know all there is to know about this wonderful weapon.

I don't know if anyone from my school reads my blog, but until I have clearance to talk about my weapon with others in the school, I have to work on learning the weapon and practice, practice, practice.

I'm excited!  I think it's an interesting choice.  I have several things I need to think about as my Master and I will sit down and discuss this weapon with him sometime soon.  He wants me to think of the reason he picked this particular weapon for me.  I can see at least one reason.   It's a weapon that you wouldn't expect to be a weapon.  It's a bit of a surprise, more of the "unknown quantity".  Since I'm fairly new to the school as well, it suits me because I'm the unknown factor as well.

Remembering the fun

Today was Open Training.  I went to it because I'd promised a friend (and myself) that I'd be there.  I gave myself no excuses to not to attend.  I am glad I went.  I got the opportunity to work on my forms--the ones I thought I'd forgotten.  

I remember vividly the lower forms: Keecho Hyung Il Bu, Ee Bu and Sam Bu.  
I remember Pyung Ahn Cho Dan (just a few things to tweak on that one!), but for some unknown reason, Pyung Ahn Ee Dan and Sam Dan were attempting an escape from my mind, so I made sure I practiced them multiple times.  
Pyung Ahn Sah Dan ("Superman"), I know fairly well.  It's a short form and I'd really insult myself if I didn't remember that one!  
Pyung Ahn Oh Dan also was easier to work on , despite it being months since I'd worked on it last.  Bassai was a little more challenging, as was Nahainchi Cho Dan.  I just decided that I'm going to work on my forms a little at a time, and a little every day.  Practice makes perfect.  Funakoshi #11--Karate is like boiling water.  If not heated constantly, it will cool.


While I was in training today, I set myself two goals.  They're not huge ones, but they're attainable.  One goal is to go in to have fun.  The other goal is to perfect my kicks and forms.  No more am I going to have that "I can't" mentality.  It's a defeatist attitude and I don't need it in my life.    I'm going to focus on the FUN part of martial arts.   I love to learn and i love to work hard at something that is fun.  I will get myself to a better mental state.   I won't get discouraged or frustrated anymore.  I'm working on that.

Martial arts musing

When I started back to martial arts this month, I decided that come hell or high water, I was NOT going to make any excuses for not going.  I've made two classes so far and feel pretty good about it.  I have class twice a week.  Last week we worked on the elements of Tang Soo Do and the animals of Tang Soo Do.  It was fascinating to think of the forms in terms of an element or of an animal.  I hadn't ever learned to do that before!!  Let me tell you, I found myself thinking about class a lot more than I have been in the past.
I had to take notes instead of practicing the falls on Thursday because
I'm still fighting with this stupid pinched nerve in my neck/shoulder.  It's driving me nuts because I'll think I can do something and then I stress it out again.  I'm not the best patient.  I'm IMpatient and want to be able to do what I've been doing.


I have a sheet of the terminology used in class that I am now studying so that I can become more familiar with the Korean.  I find it interesting that I've already integrated some of the terms into my thought processes.  I may not be an expert, but repetition is a good thing.  I need to have more confidence in myself though.  When an instructor calls a technique, I should be confident that I know it instead of panicking and thinking "I don't know that".  I've got a goal to learn terminology by the end of this year.  I think it's highly do-able.  I just need to sit down and study like my do.  I have homework too.  In fact, today, I'm going to sit down and study.  It's on my agenda!!


This is the start of another busy week.  I'm going to attend both of my classes this week and throw myself into learning.  There is no reason for me not to.  I enjoy taking classes and I truly enjoy learning.  I just need to put it all together and I'll be set.

Animal class

Tonight was another great class.  We went over the elements of Tang Soo Do on Tuesday, so tonight, we covered the animals of Tang Soo Do.  In Korea, there are five creatures: Snake, Leopard, Tiger, Crane and Dragon.  Each of the forms that we do can be equated to one of these animals.  Similarly, each of the forms can be equated to Earth, Air (wind), Fire, Water or Metal, which was the subject of Tuesday's class.  

So, keeping that in mind, Ms. S tonight had us do Ahp Chagis (front snap kicks) and visualize specific animals.  When she told us to think of a Tiger, there was a noticeable change in the energy of the room.  It makes you think when you're performing the forms with an animal in mind.  

We also took the animal theme one step further and put them to use in forms.  We took our lowest form (Kichyo Hyung Il Bu) and performed it thinking of a snake, then a leopard, then a tiger, etc.  If you visualize the animal as you're doing the form, you start to feel more power/speed, etc.  When I did a form as a snake, I found myself improving my C-step and working harder to move as if I was truly a snake.  With the tiger, I found myself stepping out harder, trying to put more power into it, as if I was springing out on an unsuspecting prey.   A dragon was a bit harder to do, especially since nobody's really seen a dragon!

After forms, we moved on to the other room and worked on falls.  I didn't participate in that as I'm not cleared by my chiropractor yet.  I got a lot of good notes and pointers on falls from Master M and Ms. S.  Whenever my neck and shoulder are back to "normal", then I'll start working on falls agin.

 

It's all about perception

Last night's class was an eye opener.  Master F ran us through our paces and had us practicing kicks.  He indicated that we should do low, medium and high kicks.  I found that I need to work on my perception of height.  My low kicks were, yes, low.  Mid-level, not so mid-level.  High?  NOT!!  This just tells me what I need to work on.  I have to work on the perception of level, plus I already knew I needed to work on my kicking skills. Now I have more incentive to work at it.  I am challenging myself to improve my kicks.  I have listened to what has been said in class and also at various tests, so I'm sure I can use that to my advantage.

I'm rather pleased with myself.  I didn't let myself make any excuses.  I know I'm not the best at what I do.  I can do it though.  I have much to improve, but that is the way of a student.  You strive to constantly better yourself.  I'm thinking it goes along with the perception of height...you think you're doing something really well and just sail along, but really, it could possibly stand improvement.  

I told one of my instructors what this month's goal is.  I'm striving to make all the classes this month, *NO EXCUSES!*  That's my first goal.  It's attainable because we have classes up until Thanksgiving.  I plan on making all of my classes.  I'll only be out if I'm sick.

A whole lot of learning

I started back into martial arts after speaking with my instructor at the picnic earlier this month.  He told me to get myself into class, which I did.  I've had a few minor details that have kept me out of attending classes twice a week for the past few weeks (prior commitments) but as of this month, I will be there for two classes a week


I've had to lead the class commands, which is, in and of itself, a somewhat daunting task at times.  If red belts can do it, then I know that I too can do it. I do find myself feeling much like a deer in the headlights, afraid to move.  I know that's a minor thing and I need to work past it.  I shall.  I just need to practice.  I also need to practice my forms, plus my techniques.  I have to learn the names of the techniques in Korean.  I have to know them now is as good a time as any to learn.  I feel really good that Master M explained the one steps we were supposed to be doing on Thursday in English in addition to giving the Korean commands for them.  I just need to commit them to memory as it's an important thing to know.

I learned much by attending the Dan test on October 24th.  It was an eye opener.  The test is strictly by invitation only, so I'm "safe".  Nobody is going to invite me to test.  I'm actually relieved.  I don't have the fitness requirement to pass, nor am I ready with my second Dan form.  I have issues with the forms I'm already supposed to know.  The problem is not that I don't know the forms.  The problem is, I learned them a different way.  I didn't learn the bunkai of the forms.  I didn't learn WHY you do something.  I just learned to do it by rote.  In this school, it's a requirement to know the form forwards, backwards, sideways and then some.  You have to be able to perform a form blindfolded and on a hill if they require it.  You have to know how to start from a specific technique and finish a form, then explain WHAT you're doing.    

In other words, I have to re-start my learning.  I just happen to be ahead of the curve as I know the technique.  I just don't know how to speak the language and I don't have the fitness yet.  I may never advance.  I just know that I HAVE to do something.

This is a quick fly-by post...I have a lot more in my head that I want to put to "paper", so to speak, but it'll have to wait until I have the time to write more.   Tomorrow is a Cub Scout commitment that I need to fulfill.
Sunday, I'm getting up and going to the track or else just downstairs at the apartment complex to do some walking. 

I just got in from a football game with my daughter.  2 1/2 hours of standing at a football game is a long time.  I didn't notice my feet were hurting until I actually sat down!

I may have to take my bong outside and work with it.  I think I need to practice something martial arts related so as to work on my self talk and discipline.  

Taking that first step

I kept part one of a promise to myself tonight.  I went to class tonight.  It was a Q and A session, but still, it was a class.  I'm already planning on returning on Thursday night.

I had a nice chat with one of my instructors after the meeting tonight and he told me that the biggest thing I could do to get myself back on the right track was to get to class.  I started tonight by getting off my butt and going to this meeting.  It was an important bit of background on my school.  I like it.

So, as of right now, I'm re-committing myself to working hard.  I've had it pointed out to me at work that I've ballooned up in my weight, so that's something I'll work on.  Hard work never hurt anyone.   Sa Bu Nim pointed out that I DO know my forms and techniques, even if I'm a little rusty, so I shouldn't let that hold me back.  He's right.  I do know a lot, even if I try to tell myself I don't know it.  I am always hardest on myself, which is another observation Sa Bu Nim had for me tonight.  We agreed that I should just work on getting over that nasty little voice in my head that says I don't know it and work on my self confidence.    I know the forms and techniques and as I'm just about starting over, I have a lot of things I can improve.

I'm glad I went.  I will be back on Thursday.  With figurative bells on, not literal bells.

Back to work

I'm officially ending my hiatus from martial arts as of tomorrow.  I go to my first class in over a month.  I"m really looking forward to it.  I need it.  You never know how much you've missed something until you have the opportunity to think about it.

I'm ready.  I've been doing nothing but complaining about my fate. Well, this isn't happening anymore.  I'm happy that my instructor is allowing me to come back, so I am going to throw myself into it whole heartedly.
Tomorrow we have a parents' meeting in place of our normal classes, but on Thursday, there's going to be a lot of hard, HARD work to do.  This I will enjoy!! 

On Saturday, I talked to my instructor.  He told me, "No more excuses."  He's right.  No more.  I'm completely ready for it.  I'm already mentally reviewing my forms and thinking about what I know. I'm going to start pushing myself a little harder than I had been.  I have a lot of things to get caught up on.

On BECOMING

What makes a black belt? Is it the fabric that just happens to be black or blue? No. It’s a manner of carrying yourself, your comportment. It’s whether you take the time to show a little bit of courtesy to the rest of the people you come into contact with. A black belt is all of these things and more.

A black belt internalizes the teachings of his or her Masters. He or she must learn to give up the ego that plagues most of us. (Having an ego is not necessarily a bad thing, but it does affect your dealings with people.) A black belt truly BECOMES that which he or she embodies.

As a black belt, you represent not only your dojang, but also your history, your founders. You represent yourself as an ambassador. You’re part of a greater whole. It’s a collective. Martial arts has a long history. It’s one that we all represent in many ways. The history of your art, for yes, it IS an art form, is written in the sweat and blood of those who precede you. You may *think* you’re working very hard to earn something, but there are those for whom the challenge has been infinitely harder. The challenge is there for all, but only a few will ever truly embrace being a black belt.

When you test, it’s not just an ending point. It’s a stepping off point, a door is opening to continue to grow and expand. The target, while having been met once, now must be re-met in all that you do. You must decide if you are going to share your knowledge with your fellow students. The Gups will look up to you. Overnight, it seems, your status is changed from being “one of them” to being one of an elite group.

Being a black belt isn’t just “Look! I have a belt!” It’s your actions, ultimately, that define you as a black belt. If you take the time to help out in class, to lead warm ups, for example, you’re embodying what those who have come before you have taught you. If you step up and demonstrate a form or technique incorrectly, you must take the critique of that form or technique. You can’t expect to do something incorrectly and not have people notice. You actually have a spotlight on you, almost as if “black belt” is tattooed to your forehead.

Being a black belt is a mental thing. Any person can have a black belt. Some people truly LIVE as black belts. There is a difference. Those who just have the belt are more likely to be the swaggering type. The people I have met, as an example, embody the spirit of black belt. In my dojang, the people who I train with are working towards improvement daily. They are willing to answer questions and never treat you like you’re asking “stupid” questions. When I came into this dojang, I came in with the idea that I was going to advance my ranks on the same “schedule” that I had been on at my old school. What I had not counted on was the fact that I have to learn to become a black belt. I may have the belt, yes, but it means nothing if I don’t understand WHY I have the belt. It’s not all about the training. The training goes beyond the physical in the dojang (Funakoshi #8–”Do not think that your karate training happens only in the dojang.”)

The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. I’m taking that step. I want to learn, therefore, I attend classes (intermittently, but that *will* change!). I have found my niche. There is another saying that bears repeating…that is, “When the student is ready, the teacher will come.”

Training benefits and values

Being a martial artist, sometimes it is important to step back and think about why you do things. If you've been a martial artist for a long time, it's something that is pretty well customary. If you're a "new" or "young" martial artist (as in, less than ten years into the practice), it helps to periodically look back at things.
I've been going through one of those phases again. It's helping me to redefine myself.

So, here is what I have come up with:

The Benefit of training in Tang Soo Do:

1. Self Discipline
2. Integrity
3. Self Confidence
4. Strength
5. Physical Fitness

The values to training in martial arts are:

1. Integrity-honesty. Winners don't lie. Integrity instills honesty which instills integrity. It's a circle.

2. Self discipline-Not being lazy. You can't say you have "self discipline" if you're avoiding any sort of workout.

3. Self confidence-belief in oneself. Being able to achieve the impossible.

4. Strength--Mental as well as physical. Make your own decisions.

5. Physical Fitness--Physical fitness leads to improved health, being healthy.


This all ties together. You have to have self discipline in order to follow through with your physical fitness, for example. If you are lazy, you don't allow yourself to workout or train, which in turn leads to sloppy martial arts.
When you're physically fit, you'll feel more self confidence. Self confidence allows you to have the fortitude to continue down the path you've chosen.

Absence of workouts...

I haven't been doing anything lately. NO push ups. NO crunches. I just fizzled out. I need to follow what a new friend has recommended and keep an actual physical journal of my workouts. That way I have something I can pull out and say, "I DID do what I was supposed to do on this date." Plus, I need to set a realistic goal or three. I need to get off my duff and re-vitalize myself to doing what I like to do. I'm not afraid of hard work. I just have to actually DO it.

Go read this blog for a good note on incentive. It's well worth it.

Quick workout update

9 push ups today. No crunches. I did spar at the dojang today for about a minute. I was part of a two on one sparring with a young lady testing for her first gup. That was fun! I had to be cautious because I wasn't wearing sparring gear. I had it with me, just wasn't wearing it. I take it as a compliment to my self control that they let me spar without it. (even better note, after watching the kids in the gup tests spar...I wasn't leaning in toward my opponent as I was sparring her!)

I'm exhausted. Running on fumes, literally. I know it affects my thinking and it also affects my response times. I got up at 3:15 am yesterday. I didn't get back to sleep, so I stayed up until after the kids were off at school. Tried to sleep, didn't work out. Went out and had lunch with a friend, chatted and enjoyed myself. Got to bed too late and up at 1:15 am to get oldest child from school. (She was away on a band trip.) I got up at 8:00 am after going back to bed at 2:30 this morning, so I picked up a couple of hours of sleep. I still feel like my response times are off. I'll see what happens tomorrow when I drag the hubby and a kicking shield outside. I'm going to start working on kicks now. I watched the tests today and figured out a few things to improve in my own workouts.

Push ups and crunches

Five push ups tonight. 7 crunches. I probably could have done MORE crunches, but I wasn't about to risk good form. I found myself sagging on the push ups. I have to remember that a push up still requires good form. I'm not beating myself up, but I know that there's room for improvement. I have to work on my core strength. To that extent, I think I may put in some more isolation exercises tonight. When I belly danced, years ago, I was able to isolate certain muscles. I still have some control over various muscles, so I may go ahead and start working on that more. I should also look up some exercises for abs, plus lift some weights.

I have plans. Lots of plans. I will implement them a little at a time.

I might...

I might just add crunches to the mix tonight, when I do my push ups. I was talking to my daughter and told her that if I work hard at it, I can build up to 100 push ups in 100 days. That's a reasonable goal, I think. I know I'm feeling MUCH better about myself just for having completed 4 push ups that I can't imagine that I'll be less happy with completing 100!! I like that thought.

If I'm 100 percent honest about how many crunches I can do REALLY well, I think I'm starting small and saying *maybe* ten. If I can push out ten crunches tonight and then add one a day, I'll be up to my number in no time. That's worth a happy thought for me!!!

Two plus two equals

Push ups.

I skipped my push ups yesterday, so I made up for it tonight. 4 push ups. I'm on schedule. Tomorrow should be 5. I've actually been listening to people!! I can't say anything negative about the push ups. I do have to say that *I* think they were okay. I did them and that's the important thing. One small step at a time.

A new friend I've been talking to has recommended that I write out my goals, not just in the blog, but in a notebook, so I may suddenly sprout a notebook. It won't be any different from when I was following Weight Watchers. In fact, as long as I'm using notebooks for things, I'll just start out with a 3-subject notebook and do some goal setting in it...that way I have short term, medium term and long term goals all in one place.

Nahainchi Ee Dan

I was thinking about forms this morning after dropping my daughter off at the track for band practice. I have decided that I am going to start working on Nahainchi Ee Dan, at least the very beginning of the form. I have seen it, at my old school, and was supposed to be learning it before I left. Master P told me that I needed to start learning it a month ago, so I think I'm going to get off my rear and start. I know the first four movements, I think. I have resources. My friend, S, knows it and can show me what I might need, plus, if I ask nicely, another friend, DB, knows it and IF we can ever get together, he could show me things too. I'd love to go back into class knowing this form. It would do wonders for my feeling toward myself. I'm also going to go back and practice a form that I know that maybe I'm not SUPPOSED to know yet (Sip Soo). I haven't done that one in a year or more. I still have it simmering in the recesses of my brain. It'll help me to keep active if I work on the forms I am supposed to know, to firm them up. I don't want to show up and have to demonstrate something and freeze. That's one of my biggest fears.

Starting small

Small steps. I did two *really good* push ups tonight. My son counted for me.
I started with just two because my friend, S, told me that if I add just one a day, I'll build up my strength and can improve my numbers. Therefore, I started out with two really good push ups. That was a start. I'm not allowed to say anything negative about myself and my push ups, so I am instead, going to pat myself on the back and cheer. I did it! It was "one small push up for me, one giant push up for my goals." Okay, so that's badly paraphrasing, but it's a start.

I'm NOT complaining.